Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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