So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
