I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
