When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
