The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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