i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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