Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
