apparently the secret to your success is patron
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
