that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
