The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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