im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
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that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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