Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
