Already got asked if we're dating
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
