There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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