Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
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