I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
