Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
