im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
