You're my little dorito
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
My liver just broke up with me...
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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