Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
