i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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