theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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