she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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