Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize