dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
