btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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