You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize
