drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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