I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
