you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
