I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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