so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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