Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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