fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
