yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
