our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
wow bdsm is so cute
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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