we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
