party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
