I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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