He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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