This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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