I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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