It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
