and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
