did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
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Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
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I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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