well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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