i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
