One girl and one boy is just not enough.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
