I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
