Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize