the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
