This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
