The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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