I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
