I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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