you lied. pity sex is amazing.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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