Duck Duck Cougar?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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