Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize