so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
