omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
