Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
