How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
