i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
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I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
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Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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