We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
