The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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