I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
