I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
