I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
