Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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