I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
