How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
