Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
