I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
