I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm really into asian looking animals
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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