we made out on top of his cat.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
